Wednesday, January 14, 2015

When would you pull the plug?

Cathryn from That Red Mare asked a really good question that I'm going to answer.  She said:

"Let's be realistic; leasing, purchasing, and even just catch-riding horses is much like marriage. It either works, or it doesn't. You are either in it for the long haul, or you the pull the plug when things get rough. It all comes down to an individual rider and what they are willing (or not willing) to put up with.

A deal-breaker could be something as simple as color, breed, or gender. But what about the things that don't show up in the For Sale ad, the test ride, or the vet check? Instead of saying "I wouldn't touch that one with a 10ft pole", let's look at this as a broader topic.

What if you already did touch that horse with a 10ft pole and find out later on that he/she is; a cribber? a pawer?  horribly accident prone? developing navicular/lameness? older than described in the ad? shorter than described in the ad? What if, you bought a horse, are tickled pink with him and you find out that he requires expensive medication for his upkeep? Or what if she is becoming blind in one eye, or has become a notorious rearer?

It ranges from health problems to temperament problems to training problems. Which category would you say is grounds for a divorce? And are there specifics in your reasoning?"

I love this question and it's actually something I've thought a lot about because of rehoming Faran (he's doing great by the way, even loading happily in her trailer!!).

For me it all really comes down to one thing.  The bond.  If I haven't bonded with a horse yet or just flat out never will because our personalities just do not mesh I am a lot more likely to throw in the towel than I am with a horse I've bonded with.  I never bonded with Faran.  We were too much alike probably.  Really sensitive, shy, jumpy, anxious, etc.  Having that personality of a human trying to work with a horse with that personality just does not work!  He was a really sweet horse and absolutely gorgeous (heck he looked more like my dream horse than Chrome does!), but that wasn't enough to convince me to keep him.

I mean come on how gorgeous is he??

Now I have to admit something for the sake of being completely honest.  I tell myself one of the biggest reasons I gave up Faran is because I couldn't afford to keep him, but to be perfectly honest I could afford to provide him with basic care.  This is hard to explain, but I'll try.  It sounds really selfish!  I felt like I could afford to either provide two horses with basic care or provide one horse with above average care.  All of the money and time that went into Faran's care was taking away from Chrome's.  Yes I chose favorites.  After rehoming Faran I was able to finish my house.  I was able to buy better, more expensive food and other products for Chrome.  I was able to buy Chrome a blanket, a halter, a bit and many other things I needed/wanted for him.  I was able buy the materials to fix my horse trailer (now if only I had the time and good weather to actually work on it).  I will be able to take dressage lessons on Chrome when the weather improves.  I was able to get gravel put in the barn.  I was able to buy enough hay to last the whole winter instead of scrambling to find a new bale every time we ran out.  So many things are possible now that wasn't when I had two horses (and a donkey).

So those were my reasons for "divorcing" Faran.  With a horse I have not bonded with there are a lot of reasons I will rehome him/her.  Finances, health, training problems, etc.  Horses are expensive and dangerous and I have no desire to struggle to make it work with a horse I don't get along with.

On the other hand, with a horse I've bonded with I would walk through fire to make it work.  If there is a training problem I will figure out what is causing it and then either fix it or find someone with more experience to fix it for me.  If it's a health problem I will do anything it takes to make him better (heck you guys have seen how much I agonize over his hooves, his sweet itch, his stifles, lol).  If it's a vice like pawing or cribbing I will retrain him or prevent it.

I really think if the sh*t hit the fan I would live on the street (not really likely to happen considering both my family and my hubby's family would take us in, but it's a figure of speech that explains how I feel) before I would give up Chrome.  I am very committed to those I love.  Writing all of this makes me feel really sad that I didn't have that bond with Faran, but I tried for several years and you just can't force a bond.  He is happy and well taken care of and I still know where he is, so that's the best I can do.

My heart belongs to this guy.

If anyone else wants to share their opinions please comment or leave a link to your post because I would love to read what you have to say.  :D  Thanks for the thought provoking question Cathryn!

18 comments:

  1. I think your reasons are sound. Chances are that if you're not bonding with your horse, someone else will. Why make you both miserable?

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    1. Exactly!! I knew, especially with Faran, that there would be someone out there that he would get along with because he wasn't a bad horse we just had too much in common lol.

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  2. Love this and your reasons. I would do anything to be able to keep Red, and yes, I absolutely do pick favorites! If you can't bond with your horse, there's someone out there who's a match for them and there's a better horse for you.

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    1. Exactly!! I don't know why I feel bad for picking favorites lol. It's not like they know or care if I'm being nice to them both. Chrome does get jealous when I pay attention to other animals though! He likes being a one horse family. :)

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  3. I totally pick favorites. I've sold 2 horses in the past 2 years, but I've had Dijon for almost 4 years and I don't see myself ever selling him.

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    1. I don't see you selling Dijon either hehe. :D Sometimes it just takes a while to find the right match. I'm glad you found him!

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  4. I think I might write a post using this as inspiration. It's something I've thought about a lot over the past few years. Good thoughts!

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  5. Interesting topic. Not something I have consciously thought about. When Kika & I hit our rough patch a few years back selling her never crossed my mind as I knew her breeding meant nothing to the Germano-centric interests of typical buyers here & the fact my issue was her rearing (horrible nasty vice i will do my level best to avoid in a horse from here on out) meant selling her at that stage would have been nigh on impossible. So with help we worked through it and managed to work a way for her to get turnout during the winter months which gave me back my happy sane horse that I knew was lurking in there somewhere.

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    1. I'm glad you worked it out with Kika!! If Chrome developed a rearing problem you know I would do everything it takes to work through it with him and if I couldn't I still wouldn't sell him. I would keep him as a pasture pet. :)

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  6. Well you know a bit of my problem horse, Romany. I bought him as a project horse (buy and sell!) but decided to hold on to him for myself. When he was going well, I did try to sell him (And got over 20 calls!) but even after finding the perfect home I couldn't do it. I still don't know if he will ever be a riding horse, or even a safe companion horse, but we'll find out! He will definitely never have another home, though.

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    1. Wow I didn't know you came that close to selling Romany. Some horses really can't be sold even if you want to... a lot of people suggested euthanizing Faran because of his explosive spookiness and wariness of humans and because he could be dangerous, but I couldn't do it. He isn't mean, he's just scared. I knew he could just be a pasture pet if anything. I of course will feel awful if someone gets hurt by him, but I told her everything! I shared the blog and explained his problems and how unpredictable he is, so I don't think she'll do anything to get hurt. I hope you can work through Romany's problems and make him a great riding horse, but if not I know you will do what is right for him.

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  7. This prompted me to get thinking about the bonds I've had with my horses. The only horse I did not bond with immediately after buying her was Lostine. She paced the fence line for years trying to get back to her old owner and herd. She constantly snubbed me and tried to buck me off. She ran from when when I approached with the halter. Her old owner didn't want her back since she was too old to breed, so I tried selling her, but couldn't do it. One day, the horse had a change of heart and made the choice to bond with me, and now we are best buddies. I totally trust her and vice versa. So, we took a windy path toward bonding, but I definitely had to wait a long time.

    Gabbrielle has always been my pocket pony, but when I saw the bond she had with P.S., I had to intentionally loosen my bond with her so that P.S. could have her some day. The plan was that she would buy her from me when she could afford her, but they she bought a less expensive horse. So, now I'm back to rebuilding that bond with Gabbrielle again and it's kind of fun.

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    1. I had no idea it started out like that with Lostine!!! I'm glad you didn't give up on her!! I think if Faran had been my only horse I probably could have worked through it with him, but I love Chrome and he's the one I wanted to spend my time, energy and money on. I guess I'm just a one horse kind of person. I can't seem to figure out how to multi-task with multiples! I mean look at poor Zep. I've been saying I'm going to tame him for years and I haven't lol. Now I feel bad!! Poor Zep!

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  8. i totally get it! if i had enough resources, i'd try to keep every horse that ever needed a home... but that's just not the case and limited resources are precious. i think you're wise to focus your energy on the horse who is most rewarding to you!

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    1. Thank you so much for this comment! It helps ease the guilt of giving up on Faran. I'm glad you guys understand. :)

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  9. Oh boy do I ever know what you're talking about. That bond you speak of is the only reason why Daatje is still in my barn! We have a stronger bond than I have ever had, with any other horse. Back when she was 6-7 years old and I realized that I'd never be able to event her (even at the LOWEST of levels) because she just wasn't having any of it, I thought about selling her, I tried advertising her, but I couldn't bring myself to let anyone come look at her. The thought of being without her brought on such sadness. More sadness than the thought of not being able to compete in eventing. I found Foxhunting, which is like the best part of eventing. :) And we do dressage, but now the hunt is full of a really fast and capable field of horses, so I'm backing off on that and focusing on the dressage and beginning our journey in carriage driving! Without that strong bond, she'd have been replaced by a TB or TB cross years ago. I totally understand.

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    1. Yeah my trainer asked me once if I would sell Chrome if he proved to be inappropriate for dressage or whatever else I wanted to do (this was before I had even ridden him yet) and I said no. The bond is too strong for me. I could never give him up. :) I'm glad you're getting back into driving with Daatje. That will be so much fun to do with her. :D

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